In my opinion, the best movie about Vietnam is We Were Soldiers starring Mel Gibson. He plays lieutenant colonel Hal Moore who commanded the first major battle of that war known as the Battle of Ia Drang. Surrounded and facing overwhelming odds, Moore and his soldiers withstood the onslaught for a week. One of the things Moore credits as a reason for the success was the love and devotion the soldiers had for one another. However, equally as important, was Moore’s consistent studying of the battlefield and knowledge of his enemy. He knew their strategies and the angles they would take to attack. This enabled him to position his forces in places that gave the greatest chance of victory.
In marriage, it is important to have love and devotion to one another. However, it is also equally important to know the temptations and pitfalls that attack marriage. One of the biggest enemies of marriage is infidelity. Knowing this enemy inside and out will help us remain faithful. Last week, we discussed why women cheat. Today we answer why men cheat.
Note: These are reasons, not justifications. Cheating is never justifiable under any circumstances.
Unfulfilled Emotional Needs
This seems to be the top reason. Most men who cheat consistently have expressed feeling disconnected from their wives. Men and women were both created for relationships. The need for emotional connection is innate in all of us, man or woman. However, physical affection and sex is an important way for men to feel emotionally connected with their wives. When that isn’t happening, it is easy for men to become withdrawn. When husbands emotionally drift from their wives, other connections will act like gravity.
Win Early: Work tirelessly to connect with your wife. When you feel yourself drifting, do whatever it takes to keep your feet secured in your marriage. Go out on dates, talk, find something new to experience together. Never stop, ever.
The Thrill, Insecurity, and Ego
There are many men that simply love the excitement of the chase. The feeling of meeting a challenge and winning her over. It makes them feel powerful and attractive. This feeling is particularly enticing when a man feels neglected by his wife. A neglected man will feel rejected and insecure with a bruised ego. As a result, they go hunting to regain the sense of power and self-confidence they have lost.
Win Early: True power cannot be attained by the affirmation of others. The greatest and most challenging test for any man is to romance and pursue the same woman for a lifetime. Wake up every day and ask the question, “How can I win my wife today?”
Being a husband and father is stressful. A man may love his wife, but there are now obligations to fulfill. The single life was carefree, but also lonely. They would rather not lose their wife but want a distraction from the pressure that comes with responsibility. They are looking for a quick return to the carefree days with the security of a spouse intact.
Win Early: Stay in the game. Stop the temptation the moment the thought enters your mind, rather than cradling it. When you find yourself looking for distractions, do the opposite. Embrace your responsibilities or you may lose them.
There are women that have this problem, but mainly men. The exact cause is unknown but can involve both a chemical and/or psychological reason. These men consistently engage in sexual behavior (including viewing porn or participating in chat rooms) that brings negative outcomes. Despite the negative effects in their lives, they do not stop.
Win Early: Get treatment immediately. This can be overcome with medical treatment, psychological therapy, or support groups — perhaps all three.